HORMONES!!

Hey everybody,

     So my hormones are crazy!!  I can laugh about it after, but at the time it's never funny.  I once cried because I was taking the babies tank tops out of the package and a piece of tape fell into the freshly cleaned baby clothing and I had to try to find it.  I unfolded every piece of clothing, even the socks, and re-folded them with an excruciating back ache while flying off the handle at my boyfriend for trying to help; only to find out after doing all of the clothes, that it had fallen right on top.  I also decided that I would wash a load of baby clothes with 2 blankets.  I knew the lint from the blankets would cause a problem on the clothes but I decided to do it anyway, once again, KNOWING it would cause a problem.  After the clothes came out of the dryer covered in lint, I cried for approximately (generous estimate) 45 minutes on the bathroom floor.  Again, my boyfriend tried to help multiple times an I just bit his head off.
     I sound like a bitch, but my boyfriend has this "I'm right listen to me" voice when he talks to me, and I know he's right.  I don't like it when others are right and I'm wrong, that's one of my flaws.  So in the heat of the moment, he makes me VERY upset because I don't want to know he's right, I just want to know he understands where I'm coming from, even though it could be totally irrational.
     I got mad yesterday because I was yelling at him, so he decided not to help me bring baby items upstairs.  I had a bag with me, so I could put the items in the bag and be able to do it myself.  But I thought it was inconsiderate and I wanted his help, and he told me not to yell before he went up in that "I'm right listen to me" voice I hate so much.  I then went to the bedroom and yelled for half an hour about it, when he has to get up early in the morning.
     It takes me plenty of time to realize that what I'm doing is stupid.  Once I realize, I'm the first person to laugh and apologize and poke fun at myself.  Eventually I will learn stress management and inappropriate 12am voice volumes, but right now, I can't help but feel that it keeps me sane to go insane sometimes!  Sometimes to me means at least once a day.  But when it comes to me now, I try to relax and be mellow all the time because the stress isn't good for me or the baby.  Sometimes, I'm more comfortable after a little insanity than I would be after a day of meditation.  Maybe it's just me, but hormones are a crazy pregnancy ride, and I'm on it for the next month.  Maybe I'll learn how to control them for the next one if I try hard enough, but I think this ride is already in motion for baby numero uno!!

        ~Brianna J~

Baby Shower, Being a Parent & New Stuff

Hi everyone,

     So my baby shower was this past weekend.  A lot of people RSVPed but not a lot came.  But a lot sent presents, haha!  My mom hosted it and it was cute green and brown with elephants, just like the baby's theme.  She called the party theme "an elephant and her little peanut".  My good friends and family were there.  We played games and had music and since it was all people close to me not a lot of people that were friends or family but not VERY close, it was a blast!  I have plenty of pictures that I'm going to share.

I got a lot of new things for the baby but only included some of the photos.  The whirlpool bath looks really cute.  It has a shower head that comes out so you can spray the baby and a whirlpool and bubbling part, all that can be turned on and off with the push of a button.  It also comes with a newborn sling to put the baby in before you actually bathe them, when it's just sponge-bath time.  And the fisher-price bouncy sear is also so cute.  We put it together and it's not that hard but putting the seat part together was VERY frustrating because the instructions make it semi-unclear.  My BIG present at the baby shower was from my mother and grandmother, they bought the crib and soybean mattress.  But it wasn't shipped in time and we were told it would be here by thanksgiving.  To my surprise, my crib came in yesterday while I was preparing the room for the baby.  It's huge and we (my boyfriend and I) are going to put it together tonight.  I was so excited!  Putting the baby's room together I felt nest-y and mother-like but it never fully set in until that crib arrived.  Now I'm starting to feel like, wow, there is going to be a baby sleeping in here in less than 5 weeks.  MY baby, OUR baby.  I'm someone's mom.  When you're a first time mom, like me, it's so weird to think that you are about to be someone's parent.  I had the realization the other day.  I know I'm gonna be someone's mom, but, someone's parent.  As in "I can't go my parents won't let me", and that "parents" is me.  But I'm clearly off topic now.  The baby shower was awesome, and MY CRIB IS HERE!!!  I'll have more to report soon.

        ~Brianna J~

Dr. and Hubby

Hi all,

     So my boyfriend got to go with me to the doctor's yesterday for the first time in a long time.  We got to hear the baby's heartbeat and ask questions and he got to voice any of his concerns.  My doctor doesn't really do nights or weekends so he's got to go to 3 appointments, one of which they allowed a night so I came in at 6.  Now I'm getting to the home stretch and after this next appointment I'll start going every week.  I'm getting anxious but I'm getting excited and I think the doctor's office made my boyfriend the same way.  My boyfriend is usually stoic and while excited, not quick to jump for joy over every little thing like I am.  However, this morning, I woke up when he called to check up on me on his break and we had a whole conversation about what the baby will look like and how excited we both are.  We've talked about the happy before but not in as much detail and I have to associate that with the doctor.  I think the way he has been forced to be involved in some, but not all aspects because of work schedule, make it less exciting and more business.  When he gets to be involved you see a certain degree of change and I think that the fact that he's working, gives him the shit end of the stick.  When the significant other can't be involved in the whole process, it seems that it would be harder for them to get involved and excited.  At least mine.

        ~Brianna J~

FREAK October Snow Storm and a BIG baby

Hey Everyone,

     Long time no see.  I live in New Jersey and got my power and internet and phone fully restored yesterday.  There was a random blizzard (of course the weekend my boyfriend goes to Florida to see his mother) in October.  It was a lot of snow, because it was the "first snow" of the year and it was October.  But it wasn't an extreme amount, they said the snow was sooo heavy and sooo wet that it knocked down sooo many trees and power-lines that still not all of the people in New Jersey have power until tomorrow.  This snow storm happened last Thursday.  This snow also made cell phone reception nearly impossible.  The house was freezing, my dogs all had sweatshirts and were bundled in blankets, our food went bad, it was a state of emergency so there was no store, it made everyone broke with all the eating out, my fish nearly froze to death (picture above of how I kept him warm...YAY!! Henry made it through)  and I had a meltdown because not only am I afraid of the dark, but it was so cold that I got sick and thought I was killing my baby.  Later I learned that a cold you have, is not a cold your baby has, they don't catch it from you.
     Needless to say, it was an experience.  But in baby news, my baby is now a giant.  At only 4 pounds, I'm convinced they mean his leg and he's actually about 20.  I'm not a big girl, I'm 5'3" and I'm thick (PUERTO RICAN), so to me this baby is humongous.  He's heavy.  He's SOOOOOO active.  He's cranky, like mommy like son (if anyone thinks of touching my belly button or I think of touching or eating anything cold, he'll either make me want to vomit or he'll punch me until he's sure there is a visible bruise).  But he's my little bundle of joy, so to me, he's also perfect.  Sure, I'm at the point where I can't sleep because I can't breath or get comfortable, can't leave the bathroom because he's always on my bladder, can't smell anything other than tea or waffles without getting sick and can't sit because my lower back is in so much pain that anything other than walking or laying down for longer than 10 minutes is mission impossible.  But I've never loved anything more, or been more willing to suffer a few months for something.  My baby is mine and he's just like me!  A short, stubborn, cranky, night owl-y big baby!!

        ~Brianna J~

Government Programs...WHEN WILL HE ARRIVE

Hey everybody,

     So I just got back from WIC and I have to say I love government programs.  I love the fact that there are resources for mothers.  I have a boyfriend with a great job that he works hard at but, after taxes, you divide his paycheck in half because of child support.  It makes is difficult to provide for me and my baby too.  I love that there are food stamps and WIC that will help us with food.  I love there are places like public health that will bring me diapers and help with prenatal vitamins.  I love that there is medicaid to help with insurance.  I think my baby wouldn't even have a shot if it wasn't for these programs.  I like that they're convenient and easy to get into.  I don't think anyone should be embarrassed to take advantage of these programs, do what's best for your baby.  The next time I see them is when I give birth and I love little reminders like that to know it's right around the corner.  I take nothing for granted when it comes to time anymore, because I'm in my "where the hell is this kid" stage and just ready for his to come out.  Now that I have to go to the doctor every 2 weeks, WIC after the baby is born, my baby shower next month and all the other little reminders, it's helping me realize how soon it is and also making me more and more anxious to see my little boy.
     I was watching The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo (my newest obsession), and this morning was the episode when she had baby Skyler.  I watched and had every emotion from jealousy (where's my baby already) to pure anxiousness (I can't wait to choose his outfit either)!  My baby is my world and he isn't even in this world yet.  I can't wait until he's here.  Are you anxious to see your baby yet?  What brings it out of you?  Talk to you soon!

         ~Brianna J~

Paperwork and (Dis)Appointments

Hey All,

     So I've had to fill out and file more paperwork in these past 8 months than I have in probably all my years of high school combined.  I've been to more appointments in these past 8 months than I have probably my whole senior year (granted I probably went 12 times).  Being pregnant is all about organization and "better safe than sorry", yet a VERY important fetal echo-cardiogram for my son, has been lost.  I've had numerous conversations with my doctors office in reference to the place where I had the echo done because that place had no record of my visit.  This is a little disconcerning because it's pediatrics cardiology unit in a major hospital, they deal with children's lives and they lost my ultrasound.  But I believe on my end, I've been doing pretty well keeping all my paperwork together.  I have a folder for his ultrasound pictures until we have a baby book, a space for coupons and % off papers for when I shop,  an area for all my baby magazines with info I want to keep and of course a space where all paid bills go for reference.  We're setting up a nursery.  We're painting and spackling and organizing and putting together and decorating and I can keep all of my things in their designated areas with the other designated papers of their kinds.  So to me this is pretty disappointing.  I'll keep you posted!!

       ~Brianna J~

Shopping

Hey Everybody,

     After every shopping trip, my pocket/hubby's wallet is significantly lighter.  We went shopping at the mall after my boyfriend got out of work yesterday and bought so many new things.  This includes a new coat, something we've been looking for as we are not big on snowsuits.  We found a cute one and are starting to look for the baby's going home outfit.  A baby is expensive not because they have to be, but because we make them.  After all, how the hell did pilgrims survive without the new bouncer or baby Jordans that will match his daddy's.  I read article upon article about how to buy what is necessary only for the baby.  Then I sat down and made my registry.  There are currently over a 100 items in one and over 50 in the other.  Baby items are cute and the clothes will of course make them look adorable and the bouncer will be perfect when you need to make dinner.  You read the reviews and know that the swing will be amazing for a fussy baby and wonder how in the world anyone will go without that.  I like to think of myself as old school, my great-grandfather used to say I'm an old soul.  Every once in a while I stop myself and think about whether I need a certain item and what people used to do without said item and what I can do to survive without it too.  It's hard though!  When you see an activity gym that matches perfectly, or a toy they can't even touch for 6 months but you just think it's so precious, you're not going to stop yourself.  At this stage of pregnancy for me where not finding a ride to the mall (I don't drive while pregnant) that day could turn into my Armageddon, my man isn't exactly quick to deny me baby items either.
     It's also so hard to find the perfect item for your baby by price and rating and reviews, that when you find something perfect for your family, you snatch it up before it's gone.  Especially as a new mother, with a working boyfriend and an empty home, it's hard not to get carried away by reviews and ratings when you're just "window shopping" online.  There is no one around all day to ask about whether an item is necessary or safe or age appropriate.  So when you get online and see something cute, you click on it to "just see what it is" and there is a 4 star rating and reviews by mothers who "don't know how they got along without it" and suddenly you deem it necessary.  In a world where people depend on barney and bassinets to raise their child, how do you know when you've stopped being a mother, and started being a shop-a-holic?
     So here's the story: as a new mom I'm never going to know what my baby needs or will want or love or hate or never want to leave behind, I can only guess.  It will be easier the second time around but for now, I know I'll over do it, I know I'll buy to much and spend to much and I know I'm going to end up with at least a few things he'll never even touch or like.  That's a risk I think we're all willing to take because we want more for them then we had, even if we had A LOT!!  Babies will be spoiled, but read up, you can't "spoil" a baby, it's just not possible.  I say follow you're heart but glance at the price tag and think practically whether you'll be getting the most for your money.  You're bound to make a mistake or 2 along the way, buy something he doesn't need or forget to get that new thing that's out that will make your life so much easier.  Trial and error is big and all we can do is our best.  Until next time.

        ~Brianna J~

31 Weeks Today

Hi Everyone,

      Today marks 31 weeks pregnant (or 1 week away from 8 months), which brings a lot of new symptoms and things to add to the to do list.  We have 1 bedroom...not a 1 bedroom...1 bedroom.  We're getting together a nursery that we could also live in and have it look okay when we have company, all the while my boyfriend is working, so this makes it a lot harder.  In 5 days we've taken down WALLPAPER?!?!?!?!?!? (<<worst invention ever) that was painted over, spackled the wall and painted the trim.  We're now going to start priming today and painting.  It seemed so much easier when we layed out the to do list, then when we actually executed this master plan.  Everyday this list seems to get bigger and bigger and I can't help but feel like the theory of a baby seems so much easier than the actual executed plan.  Our baby was not planned but was definitely a welcomed surprise, while we weren't in the best financial situation, we did the deed and a baby was the result.
     But nursery preparations are a small price to pay for the good things.  Transitioning into a mother means grinning and bearing even the aches and pains because you know their worth it in the end, so, it almost seems like I love going through these things because I know my body's reacting to my little bundle of joy.  My baby boy is getting a lot bigger and stronger, which means he often leans on the make mommy have to pee button.  My body is not used to the extra belly weight, so swelling of the feet and ankles and achy back are becoming part of the territory.  The worrisome part of the brain that activates as soon as the pee stick dries is more prominent then ever, everything from painting to not thinking I'm big enough (I'M HUMONGOUS) requires a call to the doctor or my boyfriend or a jog downstairs to my mother.  A million questions is a game I've started playing daily.  Pregnancy brain and hormonal rage are 2 other key issues.  In 2 days I've cried or raged out over the following: soap in the dogs bowl that had to be cleaned, moving my laundry from the washer to the drier, back pains from lying on my back (I'm the one who put myself in that position), a short blanket, wallpaper and many others that my pregnancy brain will not allow me to remember at this moment.
     The bottom line is this, this is going to be a wild and crazy ride but it's something I've never been more ready for in my entire life.  I already love my baby boy more than anything I've ever loved in my life and he's not even born yet, I've already wanted to change my life for the better over something that exists only in the world that extends the length of my belly.  A baby is a big change in life, especially mine, but a change that I welcome with open arms and wouldn't try to get out of for the world!

        ~Brianna J~

Where I'm at...My Intro

Hey Everyone,

     My name is Brianna and  I'm due on December 19th.  It's my first baby, but not my boyfriend's, which is a gift at times and a curse.  We also live with my mother and grandparents which means lots of advice, whether we want it or not.  It seems like now is the hard part but I know it's not, no matter how much there is to do.  You never realize how much goes into a baby until you become pregnant.  There are clothes, toys and diapers to buy, a room to paint and redecorate, a birthing plan to create, a hospital to tour at (we just did ours yesterday) and preregister at and a parenting style to develop.  Not to mention the shelves and shelves of baby books that every single store sells.  I always wanted a baby young and wanted to be the relaxed chill kind of mom.  Now I have a new found respect for my mother and discipline.  It's hard to even try to develop a parenting style with 2 people, especially when one of them has one, let alone prepare to execute it.  This blog is going to be a place for me as a new mother to distinguish my style, give my own product reviews and hear yours, talk about my annoyances and troubles, establish my victories and slink here with my tail between my legs to talk about my losses (I'm not big on losing or admitting my wrong) and so on.  A baby isn't an easy task, after all it is a human being.  Bare with me, as I hope my baby will, and enjoy the ride.

        ~Brianna J~